I had a pretty normal childhood. Everything was great until I got into secondary school. I started to wet the bed. Up until now, I don’t know what caused it, but I do know that that period of my life was really shameful. As the first child, my parents would be upset. They would talk to and scold me, but I just couldn’t control it. I remember one time, I had to go for Girls Brigade camp meeting, and I wet the bed there too. I would quickly wake up to change my sheets, but the stench would make it obvious. I became scared about visiting cousins during holidays. I preferred to stay home than face the embarrassment. 

There was nothing my mum didn’t do to try to help me. I remember a time I was told to pee on charcoal. I tried so many strange things just to stop the bed wetting. The whole room would smell because I bed wetted at least thrice a week. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get up to go pee in the middle of the night, but by the time I wanted to, I’d have already wet the bed. And sometimes I would dream that I was in the toilet, but by the time I woke up I realised it was a dream. I went through this struggle for almost 2 years until I stopped. My friends couldn’t come into my room, no one could. Every time I had to spread my mattress outside, I would cry. I was always crying, asking God to help me. 

When I finally stopped, it was like a miracle. I would check the bed, feel it and even smell it to be sure it didn’t just dry while I was sleeping. *Laughs*. I couldn’t believe it and after weeks had passed without me bed wetting, I knew I was free. It was a strange time of my life.

November 14, 2015 is a day I’ll never forget; a day I fought for my life. I took a bike from my school, University of Ibadan to the University College Hospital (UCH) for a quick visit not knowing that was soon going to be my home. Within 5 minutes of leaving the school gate, a car ran into my bike from the side. Witness said he ran his tyres over us, dragged us on the road because the bike got hooked to the car and then drove off at top speed. I had to drag myself away from the busy road, tasting blood in my mouth, with my whole body in so much pain. All I could hear were voices of concerned passers-by helping me up, asking, “Who should we call?” All I could mutter was, “Jesus help me” as I was trying hard to hold on to dear life. I kept hearing, “Rebecca, please don’t sleep. Just keep looking at the light (someone’s Nokia torch light).” It all happened fast. 

I was in hospital and the last thing I heard was, “We have to run a CT scan and X-rays to check her brain and her spinal cord.” Darkness surrounded me. I couldn’t see anymore and I couldn’t form coherent sentences. I spent the next few days in the neuro ward. The doctor said, "The nurses will clean your wounds daily but you are not to move or turn your head. You’ll have to eat, urinate, poo and bathe on this bed. We need to be sure your spinal cord is not affected.” I was always sad at night. I was a final year student, my project was outstanding, and I had exams in 2weeks. I cried every night. Was I going to have an extra year? I kept asking God so many questions. I depended on the nurses for everything! 

When I left the hospital, reality dawned on me. My project! Exams! I insisted on going back to school because I didn’t want bed rest. I studied hard but it was difficult because I had to wear the neck collar. I did everything with my neck collar. I could not bend, lift heavy things or sleep on a bed. The pain was excruciating and I was always crying, but I had to be strong. I read, wrote my exams, defended my project and graduated with a 5.0 CGPA. It could have only been God. I pulled through with the help of my family, friends, lecturers, course mates and doctors.

(Part 2/2) I got an opportunity to work for a TV station. I was there for a year and nine months and I knew it was time to move on again. I left the TV station because I had grown, learnt a lot, and didn't feel challenged anymore. And I needed to focus more on my acting and personal projects and conquer new territory. I didn’t know where I was leaving to, but I had such an assurance that if God did it before, He would do it again. And even if it wasn’t God behind me leaving, He would not let me fail or fall. He’s too faithful! 

I got another job for a month to be a producer for an organisation and it was perfect. In Dec 2015, I started my Vlog. People said it wouldn’t work and I wouldn’t get viewers, but the opposite was the case. Before I knew it, "Akah Bants" my first video got featured on BBC and I started having good followership and viewing. Someone said “Akah’s videos defy everything I know about social media.” I just felt like this was God. More doors started opening. 

I might not be the biggest celebrity out there, but I am being noticed and getting recognition. I'm on newspapers I don’t know. My acting gigs are getting better and better and I’m happy. I’m pushing and doing what I love to do. I feel that people just need to take a leap of faith and step out! Conquer your fear! Mine was self-doubt.

(Part 1/2) When I left school in 2009, I honestly didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I returned to Lagos after NYSC and started working. At some point, God put this heavy burden on me and I knew it was time for me to move on. I had been afraid to do this cos I used to feel I wasn’t good enough. I prayed and God told me, Akah, you are the business; you are the product, the brand that I need to sell. I resigned and went away for a while to another country. I returned to Lagos broke! I went to my parents and my guardians and told them I had resigned. They asked me what I wanted to do. I told them entertainment. No one was comfortable with it. I said I wanted to try. Let it be that I tried and failed, but I needed to fight for something. 

God gave me a scripture, 1 Tim 4:14-15: “Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given you through the prophecy spoken over you at the laying on of the hands of the elders. Be diligent in these matters and absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all.” I told myself the gifting that had been passed on by Bishop Oyedepo back at Covenant University, Donnie McClurkin and Kim Burrell who had all prayed with me personally, and even other spiritual leaders, can’t all be a waste. Then God also reminded me about Abraham who left the land of Ur and all that he owned and knew for a land he knew nothing about just because God had told him to move. I knew I had to place all my trust in God. I knew I had to hear well. And I did. 

I was at home for six months without a job. It was grueling. Then, Glo brought XFactor to Nigeria. I did not want to do it because I had sworn I would never participate in a competition. God said go; he even spoke through Chef Fregz. I got to the final nine, but didn’t make it to the final rounds. I later heard God say He was teaching me something. I realised God’s purpose for me going to XFactor was to work on my self-doubt and break that fear of not being good enough. That was it! I realised then that I was on a personal journey with God. He wanted to write my story by himself. He was working on me by himself.

(Part 4/4) Three years after I accepted Jesus, I wrote my first book which was a surprise to many people because they knew that I didn’t go to school. When I told people and even some religious pastors that I was going to write a book, they were like, “No. You should be talking about going back to school. What do you want to write?” I wrote my 2nd book after the first one titled, “How to Succeed Beyond School and Work” because at that time, I had started a company and in less than 6 months had attracted over 80 clients. I wasn’t only saved by grace, but was also empowered by grace. I started the company because I had knowledge of graphic design. The Holy Spirit taught me how to use graphic software. I'd never read anything about graphic design or the use of the application. So I started designing. It later grew to be a publishing house not only in Lagos but Nigeria as a whole. 

I've had the privilege of doing a few courses abroad but still don’t have a degree. The highest I have in education apart from professional training is a higher diploma from a college in the United Kingdom and I finished with distinctions. But today to the glory of God, I have had the privilege of training top executives including CEOs, Professors and Chancellors. I don’t only have a company in the UK, I also co-founded one in the US. I recently started recording my TV show and have written several other books. There’s just this dimension of grace. I'm a consultant, for both faith and non-faith based organisations. I also travel the world as a minister of the gospel and oversee several churches, with one in the UK. I am married to the most amazing woman - Busola Adun - both inside and out.

(Part 3/4) I met my wife in church. When I met her, the only thing I could lay claim to was the fact that I was born again and passionately serving in church as an usher. That was the only thing I had confidence in to make me want to have a relationship with her. She was just graduating from university and was from a very good, intellectual & educated home. When we agreed to get married, the issue was how we were going to tell her parents. 

When I eventually met her mum, she asked me every question a soon to be mother-in-law would ask like, "What do you do for a living?" and from nowhere I said, “Mum I’m a dropout.” I honestly had no idea where that came from. And her answer shocked me. She said, “It doesn’t matter. We're all not going to succeed in life through the same path way. The most important thing in life is that we know we have God and I see clearly that you have Him.” That's how God gave me favour in her eyes. 

At this time, I was living in my grandfather’s house and everything I tried to express as a believer was being truncated and frustrated. So God needed to take me out of that environment and surprisingly God used the family of my fiancée. I moved into my fiancée’s house. We were not married but I was living in her parents’ house. There was so much trust; her parents trusted us. When we were going to get married, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have any earnings but I was praying and the Lord said to me I want you to get married now. 

We got married in a very small setting, just the family in my pastor’s office. After we got married, we still lived together in her parents’ house, and some months after, she relocated to the UK then came home about twice a year. I relocated to the UK, 2 years after to meet my wife. Because of a promise I made to my wife, 2 years after, we came back to Nigeria and did the normal traditional wedding and church wedding in the form of a renewal of vows but it was done as a proper wedding and it was a blast.

(Part 2/4) There were a lot of young people in Daystar when I started attending the church -graduates, young achievers, young business owners etc. It made me feel out of place because prior to that time, all my friends were also wayward like I was. It was very difficult for me to speak publicly because all I could converse in was broken English. I felt I wasn’t intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with the kind of people in church. So I dealt with insecurity for a while and this really distorted my self-view and self-image. 

I had a defining moment when I read a scripture in Acts 4:13. The scripture was about when people heard and saw what Peter and the others disciples of Jesus had done, they were amazed at their wisdom because they were uneducated, and so the conclusion was they had been with Jesus Christ. The Lord said to me that it didn’t matter how many schools I dropped out from, it didn’t matter if I had a degree or not, it didn’t matter whatever disqualification I thought I had. As long as I walked with him and put my trust in him, he would make a story out of me and make people marvel at the things that I would do. God stayed true to His word. I began informal education. I read everything I could lay my hands on - the Bible, leadership books, management books…every book that was recommended. My mind began to change.

(Part 1/4) I gave my life to Christ dramatically, not in the church or by anyone ministering to me. I had an encounter with Jesus in the Pub (beer parlour). Before then, I was very addicted to substances and alcohol. I remember that day, precisely February 16, 2003 between 6.30 and 7.30 pm, I was in the beer parlour drinking heavily after having taken several other substances. I felt the presence of God walk into the place and the Lord reminded me that this was not the essence for which I was created. If I could entrust my life into his hands regardless of the situation, he would make a story out of me. At the time, I had just dropped out of my 2nd university. 

I was once admitted into LAUTECH and after about 2 and half years, I dropped out. After a year, I gained admission into Ogun State University (OSU). After another 2 and half years, I got kicked out again because of my wayward life. At the time, I had been arrested and locked up in prison cells about 4 different times. I had lost all sense of meaning and purpose. My extended family that I lived with had completely lost hope in me. So I was on the streets going from one joint to the other, doing terrible things to make money to satisfy my addiction urge. It was in that season that I had the encounter. Prior to that, my mum had been praying for me for years to be saved, so I believe God finally answered her prayer. 

I started looking for a local church. There was one my sister had tried to get me to attend way back but I wasn't interested. I remember one time she got me to go and immediately after the service I lit a cigarette to tell you how bored I was. But after my encounter, I went to her myself and told her to take back to the church. That was how I started attending Daystar Christian Centre but yet, with so many insecurities.

(Part 2/2) I pray at midnight and one night I couldn’t pray. I was just crying. Yeah, my parents were there for me, but then they were not really there. My sister was quickly catching up with me. She was in primary school, finished secondary school and still met me at the same point. Things were working out well for everyone in my family except me. My parents couldn’t really point out what was making me go down the path of Christianity, as I wasn’t really getting any help from being a Christian. Sometimes they would shout at me and my sisters would speak to me disrespectfully. 

So on that particular night I was trying to pray but couldn’t. I slept and woke up at past 3am to use the toilet, and God just told me "Check the admissions list again." I'm like, “Really? I’ve checked it before, and it’s been months.” So I didn’t bother. I went back to bed. At about past 5am in the morning (that's the time everyone wakes up to pray), I didn’t have peace. I just wanted to check the list. I didn’t have the JAMB slip again but my dad had a copy and he gave it to me. As I checked online, my name popped up, my full name, my course, my picture, everything was correct and out of shock I threw my phone away. I was like, “It’s not possible.” My family didn’t understand what was happening, so when I calmed down, I checked again. I was screaming and everyone at home was so excited. I was in tears. 

After this, the Devil tried to steal my joy because my name had been out for months, and people had already started receiving lectures. I went to school to see if I could still pay the acceptance fee and all. My dad knew someone in school that could help, so we gave him the acceptance fee. He didn’t do anything for a whole month, and we didn’t hear from him. Apparently registration hadn’t closed, so I had to look for money. I paid, registered and resumed classes. School had done some tests and all. My GPA first semester wasn’t what I expected and it broke me a little bit, but it was okay. I kept on getting better, had a bit of carryovers here and there. But I'm now in my final year at university.

(Part 1/2) After secondary school, I wrote JAMB (university entrance exams) the first time and got admission into University of Lagos (UNILAG) to study Law. The combination for my Senior Secondary School Exams (SSCE) was not perfect. I failed Literature so I took the exam again and forfeited my admission that year. The next year I wrote all the exams again. I finally made my combination except Literature, so I couldn’t do Law. I chose another course. I did JAMB again but didn’t score up to the required 200. I repeated the exam the following year, and the year after, but failed. I decided to try getting into school for a pre-degree course. Everything was perfect but someone else’s picture was used and the school wasn’t able to resolve it, so I lost my admission that year. The next year I got into another university with JAMB, but the same thing happened. Another person’s picture was on my profile and they couldn’t resolve it, so I lost yet another admission. Everyone was saying all this was happening to me because I decided not to follow my parent’s religion and I had just become a Christian. 

These events took 7 years. I then applied to Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria. I did a diploma course for 2 years and I was supposed to get into 200 level because I passed. I also wrote JAMB too to get into ABU and I passed, but somehow my name didn’t come out on the admissions list. I tried to use my diploma but they said there were too many people. I left Zaria, came back to Lagos and was at home for another year. I decided to write JAMB again, and at this point I was really frustrated and tired. I said, “God if this doesn’t work, I’m done. On the 7th day you rested, you must give me rest.” (This was the 7th time I was writing JAMB). I had a score of 197, but I was used to it. I felt I had failed again. Fortunately, JAMB reduced the cut-off mark to 180 that year, so I qualified for Post JAMB exams. I did the exam and had 36%. I told myself, “even after I had a chance, I still failed.”

I came to the US a few years ago on a student visa. Since I was a small child, it had always been my dream to work in corporate America. At that point in my life, I had an 'ATM' relationship with the Lord. I went to him when I was in need but otherwise I was completely faithless. I had become born again early in life but never had a relationship with God. I finished school and God came through with a job at a time where jobs were scarce. It felt like my dream of working in corporate America was coming true. With a student visa, you are allowed to work in the US for a year after school and then upgrade to a H1B visa. When the time came for the H1B process, once again, I went to God. I fasted, prayed and called on family, friends and my pastors to pray for me. I ended up not being picked up in the lottery. I couldn't believe it. Everything I thought I had been building fell to pieces. I was completely shattered. 

Recently, I read a quote by Bill Johnson of Bethel Church. It succinctly captured my life back then. "If God is your servant, He will frustrate and disappoint you forever, but if you are His servant, you will constantly be amazed." Everything that could fall apart did so in the same year. Friends disappointed me; family came with their own issues. Looking back now, there was no way I survived all that. It has been a few years since then. God used that season of my life to bring me to a place where all I had was him. A few weeks ago, I became a permanent resident of the US; a process that if I had gotten the H1B visa I had earnestly prayed for would have taken me ten years. It took God less than a year. 

These days I know better. I know that blessings are icing on the cake, a natural offshoot of serving and loving God. I am not a big fan of icing. Sure, it’s yummy but I am more interested in the actual cake.

Some years ago, I was raped by 5 guys. It happened on my way to school. We left Lagos late and got to Benin at about 5.30 pm. I felt since we were close to Delta, we wouldn't stop at Benin. As we approached the bridge, some guys stopped the bus, hitting it with cutlasses. They were able to stop us and told everyone to come down. I remember I immediately threw my phone in the bush. They were asking where my phone was and I handed them my other small phone, thinking I would go back to get the other phone which I threw away. They asked us to lie down on the ground and they used our bus to rob other buses headed towards the same direction. 

While I was on the ground I was just praying the it should open up to swallow me. I've heard of robberies but I’ve never experienced one before. I wasn’t wearing anything revealing, but jeans and a top. One of the robbers came to tap me and he spoke in pidgin saying, “You! Stand up! No be you I see for Abraka wey dey curse my mama? Shebi you dey abuse me that day.” I said, “Me? Have you seen me before?” and that's how he took me to a corner and raped me. The other 4 robbers took turns to rape me too without protection. Everyone in the bus knew and were all trying to console me. The robbers took every single thing we had from food to clothes to money and left us there at about 3 am. 

The police eventually came to help us. They took me to my house at school. When my roommate opened the door, the only thing I could do was cry. I couldn't sleep. My roommate took me to the hospital and the doctors asked me to wait for 6 months before running tests (HIV etc.), but I was given some drugs. After 6 months, I went back to run the tests and I was negative. I didn't get pregnant and didn't catch an STD - it was just God. It took a while for me to get over what happened to me. I didn’t have emotions, I was just there and I would date for the sake of it. But with time, God helped me. I met my husband and told him all I went through. He was able to make me love again. We are now blessed with 2 kids.

(Part 2/2) My mentor and I did a lot of heavy petting and sexting (especially when I travelled outside the country). The breaking point was when his wife saw one of the messages between us. We both admitted we were wrong. She forgave us and we stopped communicating. When I came back to the country, because we were living in the same neighborhood, I had to keep up with relating with them. I was no longer interested in the relationship and told him as much but he would look for excuses to come around when I was the only one at home just to touch me sexually. It now seemed like an abusive relationship. 

After I met my husband (but before I got married), he continued to make passes at me and I had to tell my husband (then my fiancé) about it. It was tough talking about it. That was the first time I would really tell anyone. After I did, my fiancé advised me to cut off from the man and his family, then he told me to inform my mum and sister as they were the only ones I needed to explain myself to. When I told them, they were shocked, but they accepted it. None of us harbored any ill feelings towards each other. I am now married (without having premarital sex which I thought was impossible, given the pressure I was under in the wrong relationship). 

I feel whole - no more porn addiction, low self-esteem and all that baggage. It's all gone, just as God promised me it would, like water beneath a bridge.

(Part 1/2) My parents got separated when I was 2 years old, but had an on-off relationship. They had my younger sister when I was 4, but still continued with their on-off relations. Because my Dad was always absent, I craved for a father. I was actively involved in different youth fellowships in university and at home. Through one of these fellowships, I met someone whom many people referred to as a mentor and role model on relationships. By coincidence, this man also happened to work in the same organisation and department where I was doing my industrial attachment. We got talking about God and all things related to God, and we became close. Shortly after, he introduced me to his wife. 

Everything was going on fine till we began to want each other. I didn't have anyone to talk to. This resulted in a cycle of sensual touches between us, running away from God and from home, porn addiction and low self-esteem. There was a day I prayed about the issue and God told me that one day, my troubles would be like water beneath a bridge (Job 11:16-18). But the relationship and all the baggage that came with it didn't go away immediately.

I didn’t feel like pursuing a postgraduate program because my dad died 2 months prior to the admission exams. 16 of us were admitted out of about 200 that wrote the exams and we began lectures. Then I started my dissertation. I spent five months writing, submitting, correcting and re-submitting Chapter One. 2 weeks to submission and defence, the unexpected happened. Due to fuel scarcity, getting transport out of campus was hard so I had to walk home. 

On my way, I saw 2 guys. My first thought was to dash past but then I figured they could easily push me into the lake nearby. As I turned to go back, another guy cornered me and before I could blink he ripped off my bag and said, “I just want to have sex with you, that’s all. Nothing more. Just cooperate. Don’t worry, I have condoms. Just allow me. I will give you your bag back.” “Oh God”, I prayed. But this guy was not ready to let me go. He kept tugging at my trousers. We were in the sand, rolling and pulling. I struggled and tried appealing to his senses, at least so he could lose some grip and I could run. Noticing I wasn’t going to give in, he decided to strangle me. He shouted, “Shebi, you are stubborn? I will kill you. You will die today.” As he strangled me, I just heard myself shout, “I will not die but live.” He lost his grip and I took off. I ran into a group of students who helped me. Unfortunately, my attacker had disappeared with my bag containing a friend’s laptop, the hardcopy of my dissertation and several valuables. Because I finished printing late, I did not back up my work. I informed my department and was given 2 months to rewrite my dissertation and then defend. 

The near rape and death experience took a great toll on me. My mind became a battle field but a few friends and my family encouraged me. I started the dissertation all over and submitted. A new date was scheduled for the defence. My defence was successful and I even snapped selfies with my examiners. Ain't God too good?

I was sexually abused by my mum’s relative. At the time, I didn’t know what it was. I just remember that on three different occasions he tried to penetrate me but was unable to. I have the kind of dad that if he happened to know, everything would bounce back to my mum, so I kept quiet and grew up with a lot of hate. I was a good pretender, because until now no one knows what happened to me except for 2 people. I hated the guy so much. If my mum wanted to leave any of my sisters with him, I would start shouting and no one understood why. I was very angry with people. I hated guys and I was really tough. 

After what happened to me, I started masturbating. I didn’t even know it was masturbation, till years later. Honestly, I don’t know how I stopped, but I just did. I also had a friend that was a lesbian who wanted to destroy my life, but before we were able to get into the act she moved from our neighbourhood and I never saw her again. When the guy that molested me wanted to get married, I planned how I was going to mess up his wedding. A friend I spoke with about my plan talked some sense into my head and told me that a lot of times we really don’t know what the abusers have been through. He said, “What if he was also sexually abused and poured his pain on some other person?” It really got me thinking and that was how I let it go. 

I believe God meets everyone where they are and I’m thankful that he has always looked out for me. I am in a good place; no longer angry at boys and I've even dated. *Laughs*.

I used to be a very fearful person. I’d worry and be afraid for no apparent reason. It began to eat into my relationships. I’d date without really consulting God but would convince myself that I had prayed through the relationship. At some point in my life, I knew I was living below what God had planned for me, but hey! I was just moving on because I didn’t want to be single. I was afraid. I just wanted to feel secure and safe, and of course I wanted to get married. So that fear characterised my life and my relationships. 

God was at work because he kept frustrating my efforts. He would literally cause something to happen, something that I couldn’t repair and the relationship would end. This went on for a while until sometime last year, when I really got to the height of it. I was in a relationship and things literally just crumbled before me and I was like, “God really? He's not a bad person. It was supposed to be a good relationship.” He said, “Hey Tosin, you're operating in fear and you’re doing things for the wrong reasons. Getting married isn’t your problem. Men are not your problem. You need to discover what I’ve told you to do so that when I bring someone your way, you’ll recognise him and you’ll know for sure this is who you should be with.” So I went before God and was like, “Lord you know what? Even if I never get married, I’m just going to love and serve you all the days of my life. I don’t care about relationships; I just want to be that person you want me to be.” 

This was what I was doing for the latter part of last year. I just began to love God and felt a burden lift off of me. I was free from fear. I had no plans to get married this year and wasn't praying about it. It wasn’t in my prayer requests for the year. But the most amazing thing happened when I wasn’t searching. I met someone and had peace about it. We got engaged in 6 months and it was a surprise to so many and myself too. God needed to deal with all that fear, worry and anxiety while I was single and he did.

I got distracted early in life; during my 3rd year in secondary school (JS 3). It was the whole “Toju is a fine girl” thing that got to me. I started hearing that too early in a big space and I didn’t know how to handle the attention. Initially, it looked harmless as I went to an all-girls school. Then I started interacting with people from mixed schools, so boys came in and it escalated from just my classmates and girls telling me, “You’re fine” to boys telling me the same. I had no clue how to handle it. I didn’t have an older sister, so there was really no one to talk to. It didn’t even dawn on me to talk to anyone. 

I remember I was in my 4th year (SS1) and I had dated, had something with or liked 7 boys in one year. I was shocked, appalled and sad at the same time. “Toju what’s happening to you?” I told myself. Of course it started affecting my grades. With the boys came parties as well as (at that time) “Eleven forty-five”, a popular club. So imagine me, a 14 year old in SS1 already clubbing regularly and it just seemed normal. I don’t know how God saved me from having penetrative sex and alcohol, but he did. 

Eventually, I felt used by boys and at a point I just said enough is enough. I’d started attending church actively and everything Late Pastor Bimbo had been saying started sinking in. But the whole boy drama had already affected my thinking –I just thought it was impossible to find a guy who was born again and real. I never thought I could meet a guy like my husband. I tell people (and my husband) that “my husband was not the man of my dreams.” He could not have been the man of my dreams because I never dreamt he was possible. It took a long time for people to change their perspective about me. Most times when people met me, they just saw me as Toju, the dumb blonde who was intelligent in junior school and then lost her way. People were shocked at the change in my life because it was very drastic. I had to deal with that, because I was hurt that people thought so low of me.

Four years ago, it dawned on me that I was going to raise a child on my own for the second time. It was not funny. I was distraught, angry at myself and I personally thought God didn't want me to be happy. It was just a slip-up, a moment of, "No be me holy pass." If I was suicidal, I would have ended my life. 

My first son was just turning 10 and I had looked forward to that age. My plan was to give Timilehin 10 years, after which I could send him off to a boarding house while I concentrated on how to better myself. But now, another pregnancy. I didn't know where to begin from. My parents were mad at and disappointed in me. I was given two months to leave home and I barely had enough funds to get an apartment let alone have a blueprint of how I was going to handle my seemingly chequered life. No part of it was easy. If I was a regular 'jaiye' girl, it wouldn't be a problem. 

Here I was, a preacher's daughter, committed in church and the 'whole works'. Like a friend put it then, "Shame sow better cloth for me." I knew abortion was a No, but this time, I asked God to please "excuse" me on this one. I picked up my phone and sent a BBM to my Pastor saying that I wouldn't be able to go through with the pregnancy. *Wrong move*. She immediately ordered me to her home and gave me a good sermon, mixed with begging, threats and toasting (God bless her heart). From that day, I decided I was going to just do it "by God". 

I sat down lately to think about how far God has brought me and my boys. I thought of all the help He brought our way, the amazing people He's used to minister to us; how deals show up to settle last minute expenses. I honestly fail to comprehend it.