(Part 1/2) As the only girl with two brothers, I grew up as a tomboy. I repeated a class in secondary school but ended up being a prefect. I stayed at home for a year after secondary school before gaining admission to university. When I finally did, I was a book worm and did a lot of studying to have a first class degree. I had my life mapped out - finish school, go for National Youth Service, travel abroad for a Master's degree, get a job and get married. Well, it was working according to plan until I went for NYSC in November 2009 in Bayelsa State. The camp was horrible, raining every day and with very bad water. 

I survived the 3 weeks and went back home for Christmas. At home, I discovered I had some redness in both eyes and reactions all over my body. I assumed the redness was an infection from the bad environment and living conditions at the camp. My dad advised that I buy some eye drops to clear it. I did, but it just wasn't clearing. Then one eye got worse and became itchy. By the 4th day, it had spread to the other eye. My eyes were sore and very painful. We went to a very popular eye clinic and the doctor gave me some meds and eye drops. I used them for 2 days. 

I woke up on the second day and discovered I had gone completely blind. I yelled and screamed and my mum came rushing in. I said, "Mummy, I can't see anything". She burst into tears. My dad came in and couldn't fight the tears himself. Guess what? The day was Christmas.

“It’s pretty funny how you think you know someone but you don’t.” 

I got married few years ago and had a baby afterwards. He was a very healthy baby with no issues at all. But when he was a year old, he started to fall really sick and I had to take him to the hospital. I was told that my son has sickle cell anaemia. I was perplexed! “How? When? From where?”, were the questions I kept asking myself. I argued that it’s not possible, his dad’s genotype is AA while I’m AS. But the doctors insisted. 

I had to confront my husband but he kept claiming to be AA. I insisted he go do another genotype test but he refused. Apparently, he was also AS, but had lied to me, although we both got tested before we got married. Everything was a lie. I was so upset, thinking of all the pain my son would have to live with. I had to make a painful decision – I walked out of my marriage with my son, as I couldn’t bear the thought of bringing another child with sickle cell anaemia to this world. 

Right now my son is a healthy boy and he rarely falls sick, though he has to take his meds every day.

I had an easy and privileged childhood. Everything I asked for was given to me. I was also an introvert who loved to be on my own and read novels or think. I preferred the company of books to people. In my SS 2 (5th year of secondary school), I started having sex because everyone thought I was such a good girl and no one really paid attention to me. It was then that I started to lose my self-esteem. The boyfriend I lost my virginity to left me for another girl in class and I was so broken to the extent that I started cutting myself. This continued for a while. 

When I got to university, I had other boyfriends. In year 4 of university, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cheated on him. I didn’t care, so it didn't matter much. After that, I started drinking, smoking, masturbating and having casual sex (friends with benefits). I got pregnant and aborted it. Yet as much as I regretted the abortion, I couldn't stop having casual sex. 

I later met this guy and one of the first things I told him was that I had an abortion (to scare him off). I felt I didn't deserve anyone or anything good. He stuck by me and after two dates, he told me he would marry me. Today, after a lot of challenges faced together, we are happily married with twin boys. I can't thank God enough for bringing him into my life. He saved me from my habits. I'm married to my best friend.

“I was told I was Schizophrenic.”

After my National Youth Service (NYSC), I was in a relationship that almost led to marriage. But things didn’t go too well so it ended. A few months later, I was jobless and couldn’t do my Master’s because there was no money at the time. Everything was stagnant. I fell into depression. One day, a friend of mine sent me pictures of my ex-boyfriend doing his marriage introduction to another woman (just 6 months after we broke up). I was really shocked. “Wow! Introduction. From where to where? We just broke up.” People saw it on social media and were sending me messages. I didn’t know it got to me, coupled with the fact that I didn’t have a job. I was frustrated then I eventually got a job. 

A friend later introduced me to a guy who lives abroad. We got talking a few times, but he wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship, so he withdrew. During that time, I started hearing voices, and all I was thinking of was the guy. People that knew me said I wasn’t myself, that I was always talking about him and it was like an addiction (I’d never met the guy). I also resigned from my job – I told my boss that I was married and was travelling to meet my husband and do my Master’s Degree in America. According to my family, they said that I started to do a lot of funny things. I packed my luggage one morning and said I was going to meet my husband (the guy) in America. I had no visa, no ticket, I just said I was travelling. I kept saying I was married to him, that it was my dad that stood in for him on our wedding day. I did and said some awkward things that showed I was mentally ill. 

I was taken to LUTH’s Psychiatric Ward where I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, a mental illness. The doctors said there’s no known cause but sometimes it comes from depression. I spent over 6 weeks in the hospital. I was given drugs and after the 6th week, I became a normal person. The doctors told me Schizophrenia doesn’t have a known cure but it can be managed. So right now, I take my drugs every day. 

I go for a check-up every 3 months. I’m now in a good relationship. I also have a job and am doing my Master’s.

I started gaining weight at a very fast pace at the age of 11. By the time I was 13 years’ old, I weighed 90kg. By the age of 16, I weighed 100kg and was a size 18. I was a 5’7” teen, becoming more aware of my self-image and how people viewed me. I had low self-worth and low self-esteem. I couldn’t wear the clothes that I liked. I hated myself. I remember going to a wedding with my mum and I didn’t want to take pictures with her. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I was ugly. She was almost crying and asked what I meant by that. 

By the time I got to university, I went up to 130kg in just 3 months of moving away from Nigeria. I started trying to lose weight. I would lose 10kg and gain 15kg back, I would lose 5 and gain 8. It was a constant battle of losing and gaining, till I gave my life to Christ at age 19. I went for a 3-day retreat called ‘Encounter’. I remember when it started; everything was amazing until the part about self-image. I was like, “What is it with people and self-image? Can’t they just let it go?” The lady started talking about how we were God’s master pieces and how He wants to heal us. She was just hitting the nail on the head and it was really pricking me. I burst out crying because I knew God had put His finger on this. He said, “I want to deal with this issue for you. Let’s handle it together.” And that was how the journey started. At the time, I had lost some weight, but still had a negative perception about myself. So now, it was not about the weight but me accepting who God had created me to be and being happy regardless of how I looked or what society said I should be. 

I got on a weight loss program that I started myself, and I just had this beautiful journey of becoming whole. The Father’s love changed my view of myself. I eventually went from a size 22 to a size 10. People have asked me how I did it. I know it wasn’t just will power because I had tried that but it didn’t work. I know it was God.

Most people think I’m an outgoing and outspoken person, but I wasn’t always so. Growing up was kind of dicey. I have 6 siblings - 4 girls and 2 boys. My dad always wanted boys and he didn’t hide it from us. It was obvious. You can imagine the disappointment when the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th were girls. He got upset at some point and very aggressive. He used to hit us a lot for no apparent reason. Sometimes he would lock us up in a room and burn us with a candle, pouring the wax on us - just very strange ways of punishing us. 

Growing up, my sisters and I always felt unwanted. We didn’t have a voice. My dad didn’t have the channel to express the love that he felt because he wanted boys. I started needing approval from everyone, so I had multiple characters. I became so many people so that I could appeal to everyone. It was really conflicting. I lost myself and had no identity. It affected my expression. I didn't know how to express what I was feeling towards people because I was always shut down as a child. I wouldn’t say anything if you offended me. I would just bottle the emotions inside. 

I started having dysfunctional relationships –I wasn’t communicating. I could just be quiet for 2 hours and the other person would be wondering what’s up with me. I was scattered. I also didn’t value relationships, I felt everybody could be replaced. I never worked things out with people. I didn’t have the capacity to. So the image I was trying to initially build was crumbling because I was hurting people and was seen as a bad person. 

As a Christian, I couldn’t see God as a Father; I didn’t think he cared. My dad would do everything for us except show us fatherly love. God was everything else (like my ATM card) but just not my Father. I started getting depressed. There was a time I was suicidal. I took a mixture and was hoping not to wake up. I started attending Thursday Showers and the pastor was always talking about God being your father and friend, over and over. That was my turning point. 

After tracing where it all started from, I reached out to my dad and told him how he damaged my sisters and I. He never apologised, but I’m fine and we're now in a good place.

(Part 2/2) My mum had an accident a few weeks after her marriage was dissolved. We were supposed to go for a fellowship together on that Sunday evening but I didn't feel like going. I later got a call that evening that she was in the hospital and it was really bad. Her five fingers on her left hand were crushed, her knees were bent, and then the hand got infected. We had to be transferred to the National Orthopaedic Hospital, Igbobi. They tried to save her hands and succeeded. She had to go through a lot of physiotherapy (like learn to pick things, clap both hands). 

All this happened towards the end of my NYSC. We were going to the hospital (Igbobi) every day as an outpatient. Her business suffered, her ministry too, everything was grounded to a halt. But we had each other. It was really tough but the grace of God kept us. We kept taking things one day at a time. Our hospital visits reduced to 3 times a week and then to 2 times a week. This lasted for about 8 months and I was also looking for a job too to get my mind off worrying. The devil would then taunt me. He'd say stuff like you took care of your father when he was sick and he died of cancer, now you're taking care of your mother. She's going to die too. My mum had to take different drugs at least 5 to 6 times a day, so I was always in the kitchen cooking every 3 hours, because she couldn’t do anything. I would also bathe her too every day. It was the same routine daily. Sometimes she would have hallucinations, excruciating pain and would just shout. The devil just kept taunting me every day that I’m going to be an orphan and I’ll have no one to love me. I admit I went into some bouts of depression. My mum in her own state of pain would tell me to snap out of my depression. 

About a year later, she got better and the knee braces were removed. If you see her, you would not believe she had such injuries. I look back and thank God for bringing us through so many trying times.